the day the ocean set me on fire
welcoming in a late winter morning
alone with the pacific ocean
us, for the first time
I introduced myself directly
connecting to the cadence of her waves
a paralleled breath with every ripple of her tide
rising and falling in a delectable dance
of rhythmic understanding
In one snap of a deep inhale
ignited from the depth of my being
the ache of hunger I’ve had for - m o r e -
fully made its home inside my bones
This craving is one I’ve been intimate with
I was raised on scarcity, after all
but in this rush of awareness I unearthed
delicious new depth to its intensity
Wild waves signaled it’s time for a change
while the wind whispered sweetly for me to run
New hands, unfamiliar lips, strange places
I can feel them lying in wait for me to explore
their phantom hands heavy on the back of my neck
trailing slowly down my spine, summoning me
It felt as if my entire being had been set on fire
And I’ll be damned if I don’t fan the flames
the ghosts of myself are haunting me
Whitman claimed “I contain multitudes”
My multitudes are manifested in phantom forms forever beckoning me closer.
They whisper my name so sweet no human could match their honey-tinted tone.
The truth is — the ghosts of myself are haunting me.
They wind their way in and out of my consciousness.
Their presence perpetually exists just out of peripheral vision -
I turn to catch a glimpse and She’s gone again.
who was She?
Curious eyes watch me from inside the shadowy fold –
a hazy background actor patiently awaiting my notice.
Her expression wears an air of mysterious wisdom
one that makes me want to dive down deep into all that She is
until I’m left gasping, breathless, desperate for oxygen.
A chill runs down my spine as my ears slightly hum
and the energy is palpable as it channels it’s way
through my veins and over my aura
every... time...
I encounter Her,
or rather... me.
Trapped in a linear timeline I can only be here, now.
Yet, I yearn to be everything, everywhere, always.
disconnected distractions
We all just want to feel something
Yet consistently reject our feelings
Society so
disc
onn
ect ed
Filling our heads with drama and murder
“true” crime, hatred and heartbreak
Consumed in our books and our movies
plays and shows and our godforsaken
mainstream media is a curse
Distractions.
Act surprised at the injustices
Outrage barrages us constantly
Breaking news that is never breaking
shells of our unfeeling skins
Society so numb
Wonder how they’d know what feeling is anymore
I watch as they parrot that one tiktoker
Who just parroted another
and the other, and the other
A cyclical never ending merry-go-round
Please stop thinking in audio clips
This ride is making me sick
At the end of it all, I stand here asking
What do you feel?
experience > capture
As a lover of photographs, it’s an age old struggle for me between experiencing the moment and capturing it. Most of the time I side with the experience. Looking back after is when I always realize I forgot to take any photos of the memories. Of course, then I find myself wishing I would have taken more and get frustrated for “failing as a photographer”.
I have finally figured it out though.. why it’s such a war in my mind to choose between the two. For me, the phone is the ultimate distraction from experience. The second you look at it you’re removed from the moment — even if it’s not intentional. If I’m hiding behind a screen trying to perfect a shot.. then I’m missing the glimmer you have in your eye as you watch someone you love encounter a moment of joy. If I’m fucking around with settings on portrait mode to capture every pore on your beautiful face, then I’m unaware of the way you will throw your head back in laughter when you realize someones been watching you dance with glittery eyes.
Yes, I want to capture the memory.
But, I want to live it more.
on vulnerability
it’s terrifying to open
a heart so stubbornly closed
to trust the new words
seeping from old wounds
my hands hesitate
stopping to contemplate
each brick I bring down
from the self imposed barrier
I’ve expertly constructed
hurry up
we’ll never finish the job
at this pace
.
Smoke screens & distractions
Ate up by the masses
In between the psycho
Desperate for survival
A never ending cycle
Make it go viral
Keep ‘em in a spiral
Screaming in their silos
Feigned reactions
No real actions
numb.
